Monday, February 29, 2016

The Flossing Rule

I have this weird, really annoying, unspoken rule with myself when it comes to flossing.

I only ever want to floss my teeth when the timing is the least appropriate. It's usually two o'clock in the morning and I've been up for too long and I should really go to sleep. It's as if the gravity of the consequences of poor flossing habits only truly holds weight when my eyes are burning red with exhaustion and I'm punch drunk tired. 

After washing my face, brushing my teeth, and doing all of the other things in my nightly routine, I open my medicine cabinet to put my toothbrush away and a true internal dilemma unfolds. 

The following is the scene I imagine happens between the little people that control my brain machine (in script format to illustrate that I have a degree in screenwriting), revealing the true nut-job I am. 


SLEEPY and LOOPY stand at the control panel of Michelle's brain machine. A large screen in front of them displays what Michelle sees while performing her nighttime routine in the bathroom (washing her face, brushing her teeth, etc.). Sleepy is in sensible pajamas, has pimple cream on her face, and is slumped over. Loopy is wearing a bunny onesie, is drinking coffee, and is jumping around. The screen displays the inside of Michelle's medicine cabinet. Loopy looks up at the screen and points.

Oh, look! Floss!

Sleepy rolls her eyes.

It's two in the morning. 

But her teeth really need to be flossed. 
I think there's a bit of something 
in between those two in the front...

Why now of all times?
She should really be getting some sleep!

 If not now, when? 
She can't just put this off forever! 
Her teeth might fall out! 
She might get gingivitis! 
The dentist will know she only 
flossed the week leading up to her appointment 
because her gums will be super sensitive 
and bleed everywhere when he cleans them! 
Then when he asks how often she flosses, 
she'll have to lie like she always does and say, 
"I try to get to it a couple times a week." 
And then he'll nod and say, 
"That's okay, but you should 
really try to floss every day," 
but he will know. HE WILL KNOW.
She's gotta floss now. She HAS to.

Loopy falls to her knees and raises her arms up, begging. Sleepy puts on her reading glasses and opens a book.

Sure. Fine. Whatever.


So that's me being crazy. Happened just the other night. Thinking this over, I might have a slight case of multiple personality disorder... Psychology friends? Other friends? People that like to pretend they know everything about personalities after taking too many Buzzfeed quizzes? What do you think? Leave your thoughts and analyses in the comments below.

P.S. I imagine Sleepy saying that last line like Scully in this gif: 

P.P.S. Yes, I imagine my brain machine looks like the control center of Inside Out. 

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